Can I Get a Refund?

My latest out of the box behavior has been bleaching the tub every time I take a shower or bath. (I say latest because my area of obsession, and the behaviors that go with it, shift now and then). I go through a lot of bleach… like a lot. I usually spray the tub with bleach cleaner, then I’ll stand in the tub and spray my feet with the bleach cleaner because (gasp) they touched the floor, so they’re germy, then I’ll dump plain bleach in the tub and swoosh it around, and I have to make sure the bleach soaks for at least a minute. After all that, I can rinse out the bleach and actually get to the bathing part of my bath. This is the routine I go through just about daily, and if at any point I were to step out of the tub or drop something “dirty” in it, I’d have to reclean whatever got contaminated. Yes, I know that is bad for my skin, but that doesn’t feel nearly as terrifying as living with filth on me.  The worst part is, I love baths, but that’s the thing about anxiety, it can tak...

  Abusive dad, divorced at twenty-three, and crippling OCD tendencies? Umm, this is not what I ordered… Can I get a refund?     I guess I’ll start with getting the technical stuff out of the way. I have been told by therapists that I have extreme anxiety and OCD tendencies. I am not diagnosed with full blown OCD, and I want to make that clear because I definitely don’t want to disrespect people who have OCD   Okay, here goes nothing… Yes, I had an abusive dad, I got divorced at twenty-three, and my OCD tendencies make it hard to function in everyday life, but “hard” doesn’t mean “impossible,” so I don’t let it stop me. Well… okay, credit where credit’s due, God, doesn’t let it stop me.  Now, the obvious question, is there a connection between the abuse, divorce, and anxiety…? Hmm, yes! But we’ll dive into all of that when we get there. First, I have to go way back. I apologize if the timeline gets messy at all. I’m pulling up memories from childhood, and, as we ...